For those of you who insist on living dangerously, just do what these people did (and use your imagination as to what happened next):
(1) A man and his wife are in bed watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire when he says, “Wouldn’t you like to fool around?”
Without blinking, she says, “No.”
“Is that your final answer?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’d like to phone a friend …”
(2) A man takes his wife to a restaurant, but for some reason the waiter takes his order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, very rare.”
The waiter’s eyebrow goes up. “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself …”
(3) A man and his wife are attending a high school reunion. She keeps staring at an obviously drunken man sitting all alone at a nearby table, swigging a drink.
“Do you know him?” asks the husband.
“Yes,” she sighs. “He’s my old boyfriend. I’ve heard he took to drinking right after we split up all those years ago and hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” exclaims her husband. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long …”
(4) After his lawnmower has broken down, a neglectful husband manages to find some excuse for not getting it repaired, so his wife thinks up a clever way to get his attention.
Arriving home one day, he finds her sitting in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a small pair of sewing scissors.
After watching her for a few minutes, he goes into the house and comes back out with a toothbrush.
“When you finish cutting the grass,” he says, “you might as well do the driveway …”
(5) The wife drops onto the couch next to her husband.
“What’s on TV?” she asks.
“It looks like dust …”
(6) Early on a Saturday morning, a husband gets quietly dressed, makes a lunch, and slips out to the garage. He hooks up the boat to his van and backs out, only to discover it’s raining buckets. The radio says it’ll be that way all day.
Dejectedly, he goes back into the house, quietly undresses, and slips back into bed.
“The weather out there is terrible,” he says to his wife.
“Yep,” she says from under the covers, “and can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that …?”
(7) There’s an upcoming wedding anniversary, and the wife is hinting about a gift.
She says, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
So he buys her a bathroom scale …
(8) A wife is regarding herself in the bedroom mirror, and she isn’t happy.
“I feel horrible,” she moans to her husband. “I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
“Um, okay, your eyesight’s darn near perfect …”
(9) A car piles into another one, but nobody’s hurt. One driver is startled to see an indignant dwarf emerge from the other car.
“I’m NOT happy!” he says.
“Well, which one of the seven ARE you then …?”