by Warren Moore

My fourteen-year-old was reading about the horror in Norway this afternoon, and asked me what the news meant by “right-wing extremist.” I told her that was a term for Nazi sympathizers and the like. Then she said, “There are left-wing extremists too, right? Like the PETA folks who burn government labs and stuff?”

“Or like the Greenpeacers who vandalize genetically modified crops,” I said.

“Why’d they do that?”

“Because the crops aren’t ‘natural.’”

“Well, they aren’t plastic, are they? That’s just dumb. Like the people on Whale Wars,” she said. “I can’t stand them; [Yes, my daughter is capable of speaking with semicolons; she’s just that smart. — W.M.] they’re a bunch of self-righteous jerks. I mean, they’re attacking ships with actual human beings on them. It’s not like the whales are choosing to fight back. If the whales start going Moby Dick on the Japanese, then I’ll be impressed.”

“Well,” I said, “now when the Great Aquatic Mammal Rebellion begins, you’ll be blamed as an instigator.”

“Meh,” she said. “Then we’ll just have to bomb the oceans… which will suck for us, too. But it’ll look cool. And it’ll take care of those rapist dolphins, too.”

I think I’ll have to buy her this shirt, so she’ll have something to wear after this blog entry is posted and Social Services comes to “rescue” her.

Warren Moore is a regular contributor to The American Culture, and Associate Professor of English at Newberry College, in Newberry, SC. He also writes at his home blog, Professor Mondo.