Edward D. Hoch’s Diagnosis Impossible: The Problems of Dr. Sam Hawthorne (1996), reviewed by Mike Tooney

Edward D. Hoch has been killing people—okay, characters—for fun and profit for about six decades and shows no inclination to stop it. Hoch is the undisputed king of short mystery story fiction, with over nine hundred stories—and counting. (For more information about him and his various series characters, see the GADetection Wiki entry by Michael Grost.)

In 1974, Hoch devised a new series character named Dr. Sam Hawthorne (see below); Dr. Sam is the star of every one of the stories collected in Diagnosis Impossible: The Problems of Dr. Sam Hawthorne (1996), concerning which the blurb writer inclined to hyperbole remarks:

"Northmont, Connecticut during the 1920s. A sleepy New England community of shops, farms, white churches, and red schoolhouses. But when Sam Hawthorne became Northmont’s doctor in 1922, he found an eerie town of ghosts and demons. Or so it seemed. Now, fortified with a ‘small—ah—libation,’ he tells visitors about how he used logic and reason to challenge the apparently impossible in twelve cases including:

–The vanishing of a horse and carriage from inside a covered bridge

–The discovery of a corpse in a sealed time capsule

–The murder of a railway guard in a locked caboose with the only clue being the word ELF written in blood

–The death of a minister stabbed with a gypsy knife in a church steeple

–The strangling of an actor apparently by a haunted oak tree

–The sudden appearance and disappearance in a puff of smoke of a homicidal ghost in a black cape

–The vanishing of a small boy from a schoolyard swing

–The stabbing of a man alone in a voting booth

–And four other ingenious riddles.

"John Dickson Carr said of Edward D. Hoch, ‘Satan himself would be proud of his ingenuity.’ A master storyteller, Hoch is former President of the Mystery Writers of America, the recipient of an Edgar in the short-story category, and today’s major exponent of the challenge-to-the-reader detective story. DIAGNOSIS: IMPOSSIBLE is the finest collection of impossible crime stories since the work of John Dickson Carr—or perhaps even of Satan himself."

All of which tends to overestimate Satan and under-assess the considerable talents of Messrs. Carr and Hoch. Regardless, each story is a little gem with gleaming facets pleasing to the eye; or, if you require another metaphor, all the moving parts mesh smoothly as each story hums along to the finish line, the surprise resolution–a surprise, that is, if you’ve overlooked the clues carefully strewn along the course.

Diagnosis Impossible: The Problems of Dr. Sam Hawthorne (1996)
by Edward D. Hoch
Crippen & Landru
Short Story Collection: 12 Stories
Trade Paperback (3rd Printing–2005)
203 pages

CONTENTS:

Introduction by Edward D. Hoch (2 pages): The author recalls that a wall calendar served as the inspiration for his series character, Dr. Sam Hawthorne, and that Frederic Dannay (editor of EQMM) made one useful suggestion (a name change) and one "unsettling" suggestion (with respect to country dialect—later dropped).

"From the beginning," he writes, "I’d planned the Dr. Sam series as one frequently involving locked rooms and other impossible crimes. Fred Dannay thought the same way, and when I submitted the second story in the series he suggested that all of them involve some sort of impossible crime. I was only too happy to oblige. There are all sorts of crime stories, but in the sub-species of the detective story there is nothing more intriguing, or more challenging, than a good locked room or impossible crime" (pages 9-10).

Hoch informs us of the stories’ publishing history (Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, 1974-78), the peripatetic nature of Dr. Sam’s little village, and changes made in the stories’ format. He concludes with this self-appraisal: "Although just about all of my numerous series sleuths have tackled impossible crimes at one time or another, I think the best of my work in this sub-sub genre is in the Dr. Sam series…. I hope you enjoy reading these stories of a past era as much as I enjoyed writing them" (page 10). The "past era" to which he refers begins in January 1922 and ends in September 1927.

1. "The Problem of the Covered Bridge" (1974)

–"Land sakes, you should be a detective, Dr. Sam!"
"I have enough to do bein’ a doctor." (page 13)

–Time: March 1922.

–Problem: A man drives a horse and buggy into a covered bridge, never re-emerges, and is found dead miles away and hours later.  Instead of "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time….let me direct your attention to the curious incident of the cows in the daytime." (page 24)

2. "The Problem of the Old Gristmill" (1975)

–"…there was no doubt as to the cause of death. The side of his skull had been crushed by repeated blows."
(page 34)

–"What had he been writin’ during those final months? Was it something important enough to cost his life?"
(page 35)

–"This time I beat you to the killer, Doc."
"I didn’t know we were having a contest." (page 37)

–"I’d done it all wrong, I realized with a pang of fear.  Now he would get away and I’d end up dead for my troubles. He was no friend.  He was a cornered killer." (page 40)

–Time: July 1923.

–Problem: How can a man who’s been dead for six months fill up a strongbox with journals, all of which evidently ooze through a one-eighth-inch hole leaving only a small deposit of sawdust behind?

"The box was NOT empty!…. The bill of lading shows it weighed forty-five pounds. Empty—the way we found it—the box weighed only eleven pounds. That’s thirty-four pounds of books and journals missing!" (page 36)

3. "The Problem of the Lobster Shack" (1975)

–"How’d you like to go to an engagement party?" (page 45)

–"’He must have killed himself’….

"’With his hands tied and chained?’ Chief Banner asked. "’An’ where’d he have the knife hidden–in his throat?’" (page 51)

–Time: June 1924.

–Problem: A magician—inside a small building watched by observers—is found murdered, bound hand and foot: "Someone had entered the locked lobster shack, unseen by a hundred witnesses completely surrounding the shack, and cut (his) throat." (page 51)

This, says Dr. Sam, "… was just ’bout the most bafflin’ of all the mysteries that confronted me during those early years…. I was only a strugglin’ young New England doctor at the time and still somewhat in awe of people like magicians and brain surgeons." (page 43)

4. "The Problem of the Haunted Bandstand" (1976)

–"This whole thing is terrible….His death could ruin me!"

"It sure ruined him." (page 67)

–"’The thing that bothers me,’ I said, ‘is not so much HOW it was done as WHY? Why murder in public with such long odds against escapin’ when it could be done easier an’ safer in private?’" (page 69)

–"That sliver of glass told me the intruder had gone into the bathroom. And that fact told me who killed Mayor Dwiggins." (page 70)

–Time: July 1924.

–Problem: Right in front of the entire town, the mayor is stabbed to death and the killer disappears in a flash of light and a puff of smoke. The assassin, says Dr. Sam, "had to kill him by a method so bizarre that no one would think about doing an autopsy. With several hundred witnesses, who could possibly question the cause of death?" (page 71)

5. "The Problem of the Locked Caboose" (1976)

–"I had to chuckle at the thought of it. ‘You think they’ll block the track and ride up on horses?’

"’Men have done stranger things for a quarter of a million dollars.’" (page 76)

–"I could see his face in the little barred window, looking just the least bit sinister." (page 77)

–"’Not even a child could fit through there,’ the conductor said, ‘if that’s what you’re thinkin’.
‘

"’No,’ I agreed. ‘But maybe an elf could.’" (page 80)

–"…he quickly gave me a hand back up.

"’Here, I didn’t want to kill you,’ he said, his voice reflecting concern. He was obviously a man of moods." (page 87)

–Time: Spring 1925.

–Problem: Valuable jewels are stolen from—and the dead body of a guard is found in—a locked caboose, and there’s a dying clue—written in blood. "Like so many mysteries," muses Dr. Sam, "this one revolved around WHO rather than HOW. It baffled us because we didn’t see that crucial point. We concentrated on the HOW and ignored the WHO, and that’s why we couldn’t solve it." (page 88)  At this point, by the way, he’s speaking to the murderer.

6. "The Problem of the Little Red Schoolhouse" (1976)

–"That was to show you we’ve really got him. We’ll deal with him the way Loeb and Leopold did with Bobby Franks, unless you come up with the fifty thousand dollars in a hurry!" (page 96)

–"My mom always says I imagine things. She says if I keep imaginin’ things I’ll end up in an insane asylum like my dad."

"…Did you see Tommy disappear?"

"You won’t believe me when I tell you."

"Try me anyway." (page 102)

–Time: Fall 1925.

–Problem: A schoolboy is kidnaped from a swing at recess—and his teacher has him under observation the whole time. Dr. Sam remembers it as "one of my most bafflin’ cases," occurring "nearly seven years before the Lindbergh case put kidnapin’ on the front pages and got a law passed makin’ it a federal crime." (page 91)

7. "The Problem of the Christmas Steeple" (1977)

–"He seemed like a good man who led a simple life and looked for simple solutions—which is why so many people disliked him.  New Englanders, contrary to some opinions, are not a simple folk." (page 107)

–"He was face up, and the jeweled hilt of a small gypsy dagger protruded from the center of his chest.

"’My God!’ Sheriff Lens gasped. ‘He’s been murdered!’" (page 112)

–"Some said he was runnin’ a giant con game, while others thought he was more interested in the parish wives. Whatever the truth, his background was mighty shady." (page 117)

–Time: December 1925.

–Problem: A minister is murdered in the steeple of his own church, a place from which no one could escape unseen—and the only other person, a gypsy, who was there swears he didn’t do it. Dr. Sam wonders about "how could you have a locked room that wasn’t even a room—that was in fact open on all four sides? And how could you have a mystery when the obvious murderer was found right there with the weapon and the body?" (page 112).

8. "The Problem of Cell 16" (1977)

–"I broke open the weapon and examined the cartridges. The gun was fully loaded.  It hadn’t been fired.  Whoever shot Eustace Carey, it wasn’t Eustace himself." (page 123)

–"’Unless I’m very much mistaken, he’s…a confidence man wanted by the police of two continents. An’ I’ve got him, right here in Northmont!’

"It was a moment of triumph for Sheriff Lens…" (page 125)

–"’Sounds like something out of G.K. Chesterton,’ I commented.

"’Who?’

"’A writer. You wouldn’t know him, Sheriff.’" (page 126)

–"You see, the whole impossibility is based solely on your testimony. If your story collapses, the impossible escape collapses." (page 133)

–Time: Spring 1926.

–Problem: An international criminal lives up to his nickname, "The Eel," by escaping from the town’s brand-new jail, just the latest of "several daring escapes from police captivity. He boasted that no jail could hold him, and he seemed well on the way to provin’ it." (page 125)  (A gracious nod to a precursor: "There was a story by a man named Jacques Futrelle called ‘The Problem of Cell 13’."–page 127.)

9. "The Problem of the Country Inn" (1977)

–"’You don’t need me. The man’s dead.’

"’That’s for sure!’ the sheriff said, covering the body again with a sheet. ‘Shot right through the chest at close range.’" (page 138)

–"He pointed the revolver at me an’ motioned towards the money….I got his message right off." (page 140)

–"In some ways it’s harder to solve a mystery with two solutions than one with none….Finally I knew what had happened, and I knew how to prove it." (page 148)

–Time: September 1926.

–Problem: Dr. Sam expresses it best: "Let me tell you a story… It’s the story of how William Stokes could have been killed yesterday mornin’ by a masked bandit who escaped through a bolted door." (page 149)

10. "The Problem of the Voting Booth" (1977)

–"’Murder…’ he managed to gasp. ‘Stabbed…’

"Then he relaxed and his head fell to one side. I knew he was dead." (page 157)

–"’My God, April, what have you been readin’?’

"’Nothing more violent than Showboat,‘ she insisted.

"’Sounds more like Fu Manchu to me.’" (page 160)

–"It was the moment before death, the moment just after the knife had penetrated—and yet there was no knife visible anywhere in the picture." (page 163)

–Time: November 1926.

–Problem: A politician dies in the act of casting a vote: "Our eyes had not deceived us. Henry G. Oatis had been stabbed to death while alone in the voting booth, with no less than eight people watching from outside, and with a knife that seemed to have vanished into thin air." (page 163)

11. "The Problem of the County Fair" (1978)

–"We should bury a time capsule, to be opened a hundred years from now." (page 171)

–"I know it’s impossible, but impossible things have happened in Northmont before this. I should know–I’m becoming something of an expert on them." (page 178)

–"He should never have come back. He wasn’t wanted here. The past simply caught up with him."

"Oddly enough, I think it was the future that caught up with him." (page 183)

–Time: Summer 1927.

–Problem: How does the body of a ne’er-do-well end up inside a metal time capsule–after Dr. Sam himself has viewed its contents and after it has been buried in front of hundreds of witnesses?

"We looked at it logically.  And logically it couldn’t have happened." (page 180)

12. "The Problem of the Old Oak Tree" (1978)

–"Don’t be silly!…People were parachuting before there were airplanes! It’s perfectly safe." (page 189)

–"My God, do you mean he’s dead?"

"Yes, Mr. Newmark, he’s dead. And there’s a piece of wire knotted around his scarf. He’s been murdered." (page 191)

–"I was hired to minister to the ill and injured. I failed in that quite badly." (page 193)

–"Could that be the answer? Had I made the one mistake no doctor should ever make?" (page 197)

–"You needed a dumb country doctor to work your scheme." (page 198)

–Time: September 1927.

–Problem: An actor parachutes from an airplane and lands in a tree—and a few people think the tree strangled him; after all, it’s haunted.

The book closes with "Dr. Sam Hawthorne: A Chronology of His Cases," by Marvin Lachman (4 pages), a complete bibliography of the character’s appearances from December 1974 to January 2006. Lachman write
s (page 200):

At a time when historical mysteries are popular, most writers in that sub-genre have gone back into the distant past, with series set in Egypt and Rome and the London of Shakespeare, to cite just three examples. Hoch’s stories are not often recognized as historical mysteries. They are better known as impossible crime stories by the modern master of the classic puzzle. Yet, they fit the basic definition of historical crime stories: mysteries written in the present and deliberately set in the past.